In the movies, astronauts pack suicide pills for their experimental
space missions, for, like, when they're stranded out in the middle of
nowhere and would rather be dead. But I can't think of a single summer blockbuster where the hero gets the good advice I could have used: pack Allegra and a Ventolin inhaler.
Let me back up. Zhaan — like all Delvians — is a plant.
That's right; you heard it here first, folks. A root of some sort,
maybe, or a tuber; at least, I imagine she'd look a little like a blue
turnip if you cut her open.
So this at least helps explain the photogasms — Zhaan has these incredibly, um, arousing experiences when she's exposed to light. Who'd have thought being a plant could be so much fun?
But it's not all fun, 'cause when Delvians go for a long time without food they start to flower. When Moya ran low on food cubes,
Zhaan turned into a real-life Chia-head with little pussywillowlike
nubs poking out of her face, and the rest of us got stuck sneezing our
brains out and praying for Ben Stein to show up with eyedrops.
Thankfully, a Delvian's blossoming cycle can be reversed by feeding
When I was little, I used to hang out with this kid Angelo who was allergic to everything — ragweed, pollen, cats (the animals and the Broadway musical) — man, I'd hate to see him in the same room as a budding Delvian. Actually, I'm surprised I haven't been allergic to more strange, unknown irritants out here.
If I ever get back home, I will definitely think twice about spraying
weed-killer on Venus Flytraps, that's for sure. Could be Zhaan's cousin
for all I know....
JOURNEY LOG REFERENCES
'Til the Blood Runs Clear
Crackers Don't Matter
Home on the Remains
STARBURST TO ANY NOTE